you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
