will power is for people who don't want to get laid
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
