I wanna passion pit in your ass
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
