Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
