im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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