Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
