Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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