We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
