how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
