You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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