I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
