found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
