make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
