I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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