I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
