Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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