TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
