no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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