yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
