at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
