how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
