you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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