Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
