so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
