I have demons in me.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
