3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
