Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
