This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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