Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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