I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
