How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
now i know why i became what i already was.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
not ubering you a puppy
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
