Dual....:-)
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
