I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You may now shotgun with the bride
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
