I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize