why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my shit smells like andre
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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