it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
