When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
