You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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