In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
