its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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