I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
