First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
