His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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