Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
