i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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