In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
please come you make the beer taste better
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
