I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
