If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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