a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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