Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
be right there i have to get my cape
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
