Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
