I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
