chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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