i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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