what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
