Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
