Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
