I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The uberlube is also flammable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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