Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
