I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
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hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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