I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
