you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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