Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
