My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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