i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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