I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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