I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
