I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
