When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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