so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
