Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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