some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
