So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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