Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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