if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
