dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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