4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
