This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize