the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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