I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
