I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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