You're my little dorito
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
