I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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