He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
