who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
