apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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