so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
